i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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