it wasn't lemon gatorade
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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