I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
