they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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