waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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