he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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