sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
