She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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