Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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