are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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