Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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