he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
