I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
