I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
