Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
