I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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