babies were throwing up all over the place
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
