I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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