Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
