I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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