I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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