he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
