I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
