dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
