I smell stomach acid.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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