if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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