I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
