How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
