I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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