You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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