i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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