she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
