My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
