Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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