Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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