How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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