Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
