I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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