The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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