I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
