i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
