dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
