dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
