She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
