did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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