You can't special order awesome
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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