im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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