I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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