I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
People in love make me want to vomit
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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