Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
